Category: Joke Board
Why Women Would Love Being Santa Claus
1. You'd never be expected to make the coffee.
2. There'd be no more early morning decisions about what to wear to the office.
3. You could grow a gut the size of Fat Albert's and consider it a job requirement.
4. One big black belt - accessorized for life!
5. There'd be no reason to have your colors done.
6. Everyone would be extremely nice to you, even if you weren't.
7. Should people suggest your belly jiggled... that is when you giggled...
like a bowlful of jelly, you could hit them with your purse.
8. You'd always work in sensible footwear.
9. There'd be no need to play office politics; a hearty 'Ho! Ho! Ho!', would remind everyone who's boss.
10. You wouldn't need an expensive briefcase.
11. No one would dare ask for a ride to work.
12. Never again have to wear pantyhose or worry about your slip showing.
13. No more trips to the vending machine... you'd just snack on milk and cookies all day.
14. You'd never be asked to take an early retirement package.
15. Juggling work and family would be a breeze because your children would adore you; even your teen-agers would want to sit in your lap.
16. You'd be guaranteed the best chair in the office.
17. Age discrimination wouldn't be an issue.
18. You'd never grab the wrong coat on your way out the door.
19. No one would ask to see your job description.
20. Your co-workers would be on notice that they'd better not pout.
And here's why a woman wouldn't: sensitive ones remember this is in fact the joke board, and men have taken the rap for 30 plus years so ...
There's a time I wouldn't have dared, but hey enough time / experience will undo any ideal ... have fun:
1. All those presents: she's jus so burned out and exhausted and all the kids are need need need
2. Why can't the elves just make what I want? Why do those kids have to want the guns, the violent video games, I mean why not the game with less than 2% market share which promotes values, morals, and teaches good behavior ...? Oh, ... yes ... <sigh> They keep saying that's *not* a game ...
3. The chimney isn't accessible to all differently-abled Santa Clauses and what about all those houses that don't have chimneys Hmm? Maybe this year I'll cap the chimneys on those that do to make it all equal ... but then there's the smoke! Oh no! We can't have smoke!
4. Will *somebody* give Rudolph's nose a makeover? And why don't we have reindeer parks, or better yet have the doggies pull the sleigh ...?
5. What? A Christmas goose *again*? Nobody's getting toys this year till they come up with a more healthy and goose-friendly (hmm?) alternative ...
6. No, I am *not* handing out candy canes in the mall this year. That's too much sugar, and carrots will do ...
7. Does this suit make me look fat? No really, does it? You didn't even look at it!
8. Why is it when the kids sit on my lap it's *them* wants to talk? I would much rather they sit on my lap to listen to *me* talk ...
9. Why is it when I show up everyone else is gone to bed? Is it always me who has to wait up?
and .... Number 10 ....
Nobody even Notices me *all year* until Christmas time, and then? It's just be nice for Santa Claus, so you can get presents. All I ever do around here is give, give, give! ...
These are both funny.
Post two was much more funny. I totally agree with it. Lmao!
lol I loved post two. Good one.